It´s not the feminist message — it’s the messanger

I have reached the age where my hormones no longer have the majority vote. I can smell trouble, arguments and hostility. Occasionally I am the problem because it seems that making any comment can lead to an opposing view.

I was watching a lioness chase down a smaller antelope.\on the TV. This took place in a store with many TVs showing the same event. I made a comment to myself, “Report that as unfair.”  I swear that was all I said.

A woman behind me said, “I suppose you think that was acceptable.”

I looked about for a hidden camera and saw the seething eyes of a woman who looked as angry as her tone. I said,”Excuse me” already I said too much.

She was a rather attractive woman with a loud sharp tone and for a second I thought she was going to charge me. Mind you, I am a big guy.

“You guys think that hurting a defenseless animal is the way to live,” she said.

I looked at her, then the TV, and like in the movie TERMINATOR all these bad words came across my speech screen, but being a controlled individual I smiled and said, “Ín case you didn´t know, that was the female lion who was taking down food for her family.”

At that point I felt like the rediscovered unicorn (a male with feelings)

To my surprise her face softened, she grinned with confusion and said, “No shit! All these times I saw that as more male aggression.”

“Are you angry with men?” I was back in my comfort zone having discovered that her bark was worse than her bite.

“Men are jerks, you gotta a problem with that?” she asked angling to put me back on the defensive. Briefly, very briefly, she flashed a grin.

“Are you a feminist?” I asked.

“You wish, they are worse than the men”, she said.

“See we have some views in common.”  I extended my hand and introduced myself.  She appeared shocked; smiled a lovely smile and gave me her name.

“Don´t think I am letting your perceived male superiority get the better of me,” she said.

“Wouldn´t think of it,”  I said still looking for a hidden camera. No, she was real.

“So how long have you oppressed women?” she asked. I believed she was asking for my age.

“I just now am considering it,”  I said with a straight face. She repressed a chuckle.

“You´re probably Catholic and have been taught to dominate women,”  she said as if this were an interview.

“Oh! you haven´t heard,  just yesterday the Pope has made it official,, that priests can now go out with nuns,” I said.

She paused and cocked her head and said, “You are just full of information. First the lion now the priest. So is it true?” she asked.

“Yeah, so long as the priest doesn´t get in the habit.”´

She had a deep raspy laugh like a woman who smokes.

Her name was Olivia Compton. I called her OC. She died 3 yeas later unexpectedly and never came to know the OC stood for overcompensating. She was a perfect match for my personality. And all her bravado could not hold back her feminine instincts to be a loving and caring wife.


My friend made a comment to me that will not turn off. So I will write my way out. I am the only boy in my family. All my cousins are girls, besides my sisters. To add to this I am the youngest. I was 4 when I figured out my name wasn´t asshole. (girls can be mean) Really, my mother called my name and when I saw the room empty, I made the connection.

Myfemale friend was telling me how much she hated men. She and I share many traits. We are both funny and we use humor to protect how sensitive we are. I cry at puppet shows and wrestling matches. When her sensitivities are challebged she attacks. When my sensitivities are challenged, I retreat. That is why we could never be a couple because our relationship would spiral with her attacking and me retreating. It took me 31 years in the practice of psychology to learn this. (I learned other things as well).

In her attack on males, I thought, does she not see that I am a male. I retreated to a rational explanation that she viewed me as trusting.  still should she did not see me as part of the group she was chastising? So I did what I do best, I listened.
While she painted with a wide brush, I was mentally agreeing with her with self comments like “those bastards”and “I know guys like that.”.

I flashed to an earlier comment she made. She asked if I knew that only male dogs fight with each other. Apparently female dogs do not. I did not know this to be true.. I know it is prudent when sharing with women, remember my background, that it is the PROCESS not necessarily the result that women engage in.

That night my mind was filled with memories. I went thru the woman´s right era. Whoever was riding that wagon was hijacked by a movement that makes PROCESS eternal,because the result is more confusing, at least to this male.

Let me share some memories. While in my post doc, I rotated through a class in brain slicing. As students in the University hospital research department sliced the brains of the people who donated their bodies to science.  It proved a great learning experience.

The medical examiner supervised the

class. He was well known. A student asked why these brains looked so different than those brains. He replied those are male brains, those are female brains. Political correctness was just entering the stage of human subjugation. He said he would deny saying this but men and women are different. He was alluding to the recent publication of a book called BRAIN SEX and the cancelled NOVA series. He went further and stated he could tell the difference between whites, blacks and Asians (forgive my polically incorrect terminology but this is my blog). I learned much about human variability in those years and I took that information into therapeutic account, but never let anyone know what I believed. I did use the information to effect change in rehabilitation settings.

Now, I live in a culture that oppresses women. A recent government statistic (which I don´t believe because the government is incompetent) cites that women are abused between in 75% and 80% of their relationships. The government advertises a need to reduce violence against women, but it is only a start and male domination is so prevalent.

I see the girls in high school, they are happy and filled with joy and hope. I see the cross sample of girls 10 years older. They look sad and miserable. They are pregnant, carrying one child and dragging a third. They struggle for food, have no jobs, no future and the likelihood of an abusive mate. The culture in general is timid. When I get on a bus it is obvious I am a foreigner. Because of my height they look at me warily but they will push me out of the way to get on or off the bus.

The women here are impressed with how Americans treat women. But this is my point. I don´t know if the women accept this behavior for the same reasons women in the states do. I see an alternative possibility that I fear to print.

I am writing a book that deals heavily on evolution. This country is 95% catholic. They only have 9 commandments. Somehow they lost number 7. So one might suspect a metacognition as well. What if the role is the division, what Americans view as inequality in gender, of roles. The male protects and provides and the woman rears the young. (can´t say that without an uproar)

The males here have NO chance for jobs or financial opportunity. This is not addressed. Hence the rampant drinking, spousal abuse and cultural malaise. What if the hijacking of the women´s rights vehicle has led to an added division in the American way of thinking?

I see that males and females are different. They must get together to further the species. But culture gets in the way and roles get blurred. Each sex wants more than the proliferation of the species. On that list is equality.

I am retired and have survived two spouses. I see retired American couples. They are unhappy. They live together and would not do well apart but they are unhappy. They have raised their families and now search for meaning. Their purpose has been removed and they cannot find themselves in this dyad. I have so many questions but each question sets in motion gender related defenses. I simply want to understand the inner thoughts, regrets, feelings of the married couple.

If this works, I will have answers.