My office was down the road from a strip mall that housed a pizza restaurant. The restaurant owner learned I was a neuropsychologist and whenever I came to eat he seemed to find the time to sit and talk with me. I don’t remember his name. He had a unique ability to quickly turn every conversation into a philosophical discussion.

I miss those conversations. The questions posed had no right or wrong answer. Mainly because neither of us had an answer. We were asking questions like high school kids trying to understand something we hoped the other would give a clue.

Now I am an old man living in a foreign country. I am retired, own a farm with many animals and chores. I am busy but without the stress of my American life. I speak my second language like a three year old native child, but I get my point across. The funny part is others ask me what the native said. I usually reply with “I have no idea”. But the other gringos seem to think my three year vocabulary makes me a translator.

I love living in the mountains. Views are breathtaking. It is seldom hot or cold. We have two seasons — dry and wet. I have locked myself into what I consider good habits. After I feed the cats and check that my 96 year old mother in law with Alzheimers is still breathing, I take one or two of our four dogs to sit by the pond. I take off my shoes, ground myself, repeat a prayer to Jesus, then roll my feet over a ball, do some stretching, resistance exercises. All while drinking my homemade concoction of cappucino.

But I miss my conversations. When I drive over two mountains to get to the big city where the gringos live the conversations are right or wrong, left or right, and hold very little value to me. My wife is the best. She is kind and a true believer . I dare not approach a Bible verse without holding her blind faith interpretation.

We have a friend who we take care of because he decided to never pay taxes. Of course he is a Bible babbler who takes any conversation into the deep end of his belief of eternity.

I spend much time on the internet listening to podcasts because they discuss issues in depth. I particularly like certain interviewers who go in depth on interviews. Every few months on go on reading binges and read books I have heard recommended on podcasts. I often read 3 or 4 books at the same time. Not sure why but it keeps me awake and interested.

I am currently reading SPIRITUAL WARFARE. I rather enjoy the read but when I compare it with Paul Wallis series on Eden. Let’s just say I have questions. But no one to discuss them with. (I will probably get a response from Satan himself)

I am also reading STUMBLING ON HAPPINESS.I like the book because of my education but he seems to avoid the elephant in the room — the spiritual aspect. He is all science. I like it but it contrasts sharply with my thinking.

Here’s my questions. The word “thinking. Where do our thoughts come from? Why can’t you see in your thoughts what I see in my thoughts? Why does one disagree so violently against what I see as obvious? Why do I have to prove what I see as obvious? Why can’t I believe in something that you don’t without having to be correct?

I plan on writing a stream of consciousness in hopes of having someone stumble upon a similar wish to converse deeply about nothing.