I am single but have the best relationship one could have with a dog.  He does not enter my bedroom but he and I have much in common.  He is a rescue dog frpm the streets.  He has a mix of boxer and coyote.  He seldom barks.  He does not listen despite training.  Actually he does not possess skills of obedience but on the street he is fine.

Do I enjoy being single?   Yes for the most part.  Would I like a relationship? Yes.

So why don’t I get one?  The answer revolves around a stage of life.  You come into the world hopefully into a family that wants you.  It seems just that you would leave the same way.  Well I don’t have that.

I have always believed that, even going to Catholic school, that you just die.  The time in between is a psychological reinforcement schedule.  You are wanted because of something you have or do.  Sorry but it is true.

A woman who lived from her beauty may find that old age took away her passport.  Illness and overindulged eating also come to haunt some.

What I had was money and a work ethic.  Once I lost the money (don’t ask) nobody received a psychological reward.  All the good deeds mean nothing unless funded.  Maybe you can offer work or service a relastionship.  That has limits.

So then you meet women who are independent and angry.  If they remain married they can have security.  If they find themselves single they struggle.  So do the men, probably more so because of how men are raised.

Relationships are available where I live but they do not have the parameters of what I want.  I have two deceased wives.  I try not to think of them because the memories make me cry.  Not sure if I cry because I miss them, because they did not get to reach their goals or because I need them.

My daughter posted a Halloween picture of herself dressed as a pumpkin.  I remember that day and it was a happy time.  A happy memory should not bring on tears, only those who have my view will understand.  The remainder hope that they do not have the loneliness I feel

There are worse things than being lonely.  One is a bad relationship or the lies you tell yourself to remain in one.

Being single has given me the time and opportunity to find myself.  I see others who behave and think the same way as when they were younger.  I judge, but with little sharing.  For example, I met a single woman yesterday who had no clue that her talking annoyed others.  (eye rolling, iude glances from others) When single you need to understand your mark on others.  An older married man cared less and said how he felt.  I wish I could do that.  But the tension between he and his wife was something I feel good about not having to deal with.

So after putting all these thoughts down I get to ponder them.  I will not get involved with someone unless I have a value in their life and I can wake up every morning wanting to make their life more enjoyable.  Sounds trite but let me tell you it really is easier than we make it.

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