I was married for 14 years to a woman who divorced me. I have not one fond memory, I have no dreams about those times.
We did not speak in the end and I believe that family tradition should continue. Her presence at a family function would increase my absence. I think this feeling is the reality that I would be looking in a mirror that reflected failure.
Not a failed marriage, as our inability to communicate released us to speak again. Rather a failure, on my part, to understand with my usual assuredness what went wrong. I see glimpses of it but when I go to investigate I only see evil staring at me.
I remember how she verbally abused my adopted children and my failed interventions. I cried back then. I seek to forget now.
I plan to address this issue along with others in the near future. I plan on taking the opposite view of everything I believe in. I will embrace religion, God, liberal thought, working so others can have what I make, the evils of males especially the white ones, the VIEW, Rachel Madow, the Clintons. I will acknowledge the evils of power and money. I will journal my introspection in a most honest way.
In that journey I will address what I would say to my ex. I do not or better will not have a religious experience of forgiveness because God was part of the failed marriage. But I do expect to come to grips with issues heretofore outside of my comfort zone.
I intend on addressing my sarcasm, my arrogance and my politically incorrect sense of humor. I may find them without fault, possibly an advanced defense mechanism or a basic id thing.
As for now the word is mum.