I was married for 14 years to a woman who divorced me.  I have not one fond memory, I have no dreams about those times.

We did not speak in the end and I believe that family tradition should continue.  Her presence at a family function would increase my absence.  I think this feeling is the reality that I would be looking in a mirror that reflected failure.

Not a failed marriage, as our inability to communicate released us to speak again. Rather a failure, on my part, to understand with my usual assuredness what went wrong.  I see glimpses of it but when I go to investigate I only see evil staring at me.

I remember how she verbally abused my adopted children and my failed interventions.  I cried back then. I seek to forget now.

I plan to address this issue along with others in the near future.  I plan on taking the opposite view of everything I believe in.  I will embrace religion, God, liberal thought, working so others can have what I make, the evils of males especially the white ones, the VIEW, Rachel Madow, the Clintons.  I will acknowledge the evils of power and money.  I will journal my introspection in a most honest way.

In that journey I will address what I would say to my ex.  I do not or better will not have a religious experience of forgiveness because God was part of the failed marriage. But I do expect to come to grips with issues heretofore outside of my comfort zone.

I intend on addressing my sarcasm, my arrogance and my politically incorrect sense of humor.  I may find them without fault, possibly an advanced defense mechanism or a basic id thing.

As for now the word is mum.

When I start to write I have no idea where my story will take me let alone how it will end.  The words do seem to just flow as if someone is using me to write their words.  I have a dear friend who says I am “channeling.”  I used to get offended that she credited to someone else my words of prose.  Now I’m entertaining the idea she may be right.

Although,channeling would be weird as in unusual or supernatural and it would be a trait.  But I still reject the reality.

A trait to a neuropsychologist has physical realities.  In the context of this writing prompt it means characteristic.  And weird is unusual or even supernatural.  Having interviewed so many brain injured people, many of them bizarre criminals, i had to explain their “weird traits” to a jury.

My point is two fold.  First I realize that weird is in a culture, not an individual.  Secondly my background has raised the threshold on weird.

I think I have a grip on reality and that my culture is weird.  So my normal thinking becomes weird as my culture floats away.

Case in point.  I think liars are bad people.  The lie is a thought process that tells you that the person can replace your existence with a few untrue words.  A liar cannot have empathy, they can falsify the feeling with words.

How many lies before you are a liar?  To me it is only one.  When I lie I admit it to myself and if you ask me if I am lying I will admit it and give my reason.  My work as a neuropsychologist reached a point where I would only take on a case if I could polygraph the client.  I would still take the case if they were lying, but I needed to understand.  I also was a polygrapher.

I lost much business, I think, because attorneys are the most prolific liars and they could not accept that the truth be known.  MOST POLITICIANS ARE ATTORNEYS.

Reread that last line –several times.  A weird trait I have is the ability to separate people’s traits or qualities.  I will ask some very  unassuming questions and will have your IQ and political and religious stance in minutes.  Then I will search for a way in.    A way to connect with the cultural barriers you have posted as sentinels to the real you. The real you is always more interesting that your cultural persona.

Hillary Clinton is a liar.  She is a liar beyond the pale of liars. I see it and most cogent people see it.  So I am fascinated that she has such support.  I suppose that a woman liar is better than a man liar.  It’s kind of like saying the millionaires in Congress in your party understand you better than the millionaires in the other party.

i have a friend who claims that people with really bad habits will vote for Hillary.  I had to see his reasoning.  People who do something they know to be wrong will be inclined to vote for Hillary.  “Please explain,” I said.

“Smokers will vote for Hillary, fat people will vote for Hillary.  People who don’t exercise will vote for Hillary.  People who don’t go to church will vote for Hillary.  People who have alternate sex lives will vote for Hillary and people who cheat on their spouses will work in her campaign,”  he replied.

I challenged some of his statements and to my surprise I had at least ten  rolling on the floor articles about American thinking.  So that is my first weird trait.  I am a cold logical person.

Speaking of logic that is my second weird trait.  I minored in philosophy in college.  When you present an argument to me I go to the logic of your reasoning.  I will engage you in conversation but challenge myself to have your logic put you in a corner.  I do it nicely but I think that’s why I have so few friends

A third weird trait.  I listen to people.  In the American culture this is rare.  I sat across from a man who I hardly know and he said as he was eating, “I will just wait and see what the doctor says about her condition,”  I stared in amazement as he looked up and smiled realizing his inner conversation became audible to me and another.  We both asked questions.  Again I walked away with a heartwarming story about a guy who has no one to talk to except himself.

A fourth weird trait.  I believe in evolution.  I don’t believe in God although I cherish the ten commandments (fuzzy on the first three) and all people of faith.  I admire people of faith because I just can’t get there.  I have that cold, logical, scientific belief of where we came from and where we are going.  Remember what you were thinking before you were born?  Well that’s exactly what you will be thinking after you die.  I have my theory on consciousness that will be addressed long after I surrender mine.  I will entertain any conspiracy theory except when they offer no solution or practice a behavior that the conspiracy theory is supposed to engender.

This last weird trait is the Bloom’s taxonomy trait of you can APPLY something until you UNDERSTAND it and you can’t UNDERSTAND something until you have KNOWLEDGE of it.  KNOWLEDGE -UNDERSTANDING- APPLICATION.  So someone who does not KNOW the moons of Saturn cannot UNDERSTAND the horoscope of your personality.

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There is a scene from the movie ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE WEST where Jason Robards plays a notorious outlaw.  He has been captured and is in jail where a writer comes to visit him.  This scene has been cut from the film for length.  The writer asks Robards what he would have done different in his life.  Some brilliant foreshadowing and Robards says, “I would have taken better care of my teeth.”

This writing prompt has the same flavor.  I could say I missed the point or I miss the pot on occasion. I missed a change in the Michigan State game that haunts me.  But the spirit of the prompt lies elsewhere.

Let the foreshadowing begin.  I am the youngest in my entire family of my generation.  I am also the only male.

I logically think you can’t address what you miss unless you couple it with what you don’t miss.  For example, I miss salt water fishing in the flats of the Ten Thousand islands but I don’t miss the car, the insurance, the hassle with the boat.  I miss Uno’s pizza in downtown Chicago but I don’t miss the cold wait for the pie.

There are things I miss that are symbolic and aren’t real.  I miss my first Supra, not only a great vehicle, but the time it represented.  I was tops in my field, I had lots of money and life was great.  But that was a slice of life that so few have and I appreciated it.

This narrows down to two things.  Silly but I miss little league.  Both as a player and as a coach.  Life was carefree.  Just run, show off, do great and you never lost.

I make a digital tape every month that I took as a father.  My narration is funny as I describe my kids, my wife, my family.  In the latest video my wife’s laugh struck a chord in me.  She laughed at something nobody else understood.  I smile when I replay that laugh,

My paramedic partner and my dad had that same laugh.  I would walk into the room and they would laugh because they knew me and what was about to take place. I can still make people laugh but not that way.

It’s more than missing my parents and my two deceased wives.  It’s a feeling,

So I put together that feeling of walking on a baseball diamond and being with my lost family and friends.

I don’t know what it’s called but that’s what I miss

After I read this writing prompt, I had to take my dog, Faulkner, for a walk.  I tried every which way to find a family member I disliked.  I have family members who I am sorely disappointed with, I have family who have done things that I have disliked, but not one I dislike.

I have cousins I never see or have contact with who I think about.  I dislike that I have never kept in contact with them.  In fact I may reach out to them as a result of this writing prompt.

As I walked my dog I thought of all the family issues I have had.  After my first wife died my in laws turned on me bug time.  Then my sons stopped talking with me.  Then it hit me.  I dislike my ex-wife.

Two things made me chuckle.  First I do not consider her family.  Secondly, I have never thought about her.  Not even a nightmare.

This dislike deserves an explanation, possibly a reason, maybe an excuse.  She is a religious hypocrite.  She has no honor, no moral compass save the one she uses to locate Satan himself.  (I’m not bitter).

Yes, you can easily say it was me or the combination thereof that brought about this sulfur smell.  But what she took in the name of God is unforgivable.  Yes, thanks for reminding me that I have a dislike.

That was another lifetime.  I have moved on to a better place.  I have come to grips with the relationships she destroyed.  But as per family there are no dislikes.  In fact, I can’t think of a person I have met that I dislike.  Each one has a unique story that I can write about.

Writing a 30 day challenge can expose how mundane your life can be.

Being single was something I once put on a list of Ten Things To Do Before You Die.  At the time I was married and had never been single.  Boy was I right about that one.  You learn so much about yourself.  I also realize that doesn’t work for everyone as I know good people who become trapped in bitterness and bad thoughts.

So what has this to do with morning routine?  I have been known to sleep well and wake up happy and energized.  I found that those early morning routines set the stage for this feeling.  I lay in bed thinking what must get done today.  Since I am truly retired and stay away from volunteering I realize I have nothing to do and then lie back down and relish that feeling.

I get up, make the bed, wash my face and open the door and give my waiting friend, Faulkner, a big hug.  I feed him immediately.  I get the coffee maker going.  I get the leash and out the door we go for a walk in the park next to our house.  He loves the walk and I must admit so do I.

Upon return I change clothes and go right into my yoga routine.  I am faithful to this routine and with my rehabilitation background will write an article about this practice. After my yoga I sit at the computer, collect emails, briefly read things of interest and relax and enjoy my coffee.  I browse the headlines. Because I am an AOL user and the Huffington Post misreports the news  I avoid any article about politics because their slant is invariably far left.  If a headline intrigues me, I will make a note to look the truth on Drudge as they have multiple views from a wide variety of people with in depth reporting.

I avoid any and all cat photos.  I don’t care about celebrity divorces or their latest announcements. I am numb to athletes and stupid behaviors. I will read a headline I know to be inaccurate.  This morning I read the stuff on U. Missouri campus and viewed it as “if it bleeds it leads”.  Having been a reporter and turning down the Columbia School of Journalism at UM,  I see a great story in the parceling of this story.  I will follow stories that are meant to increase readership by inflamed reporting.  Huffington Post is in the top Five.  Liberty News, a right wing media post is number one.  I have it blocked because the headlines can get me going.

Oh yeah, morning routine.  Since I have limited commitments by choice, I will read and write the remainder of the morning.  I am involved in an Ann Tyler novel and a James Rollins thriller.

I will take my bike and ride as fast as I can to try to pedal to the top of the hill by my complex.  I am five feet shy but today may be the day.  I think my success will depend on technique and a tail wind.